I had a conversation with a coach recently who told me she wanted to see her athlete be more confident.
So I asked her, what does "be more confident" actually look like for that athlete?
Because telling an athlete to be more confident sounds lovely. But it's not a particularly helpful instruction when you're standing on the field trying to figure out what you're supposed to do with it!
As a mental performance coach, I hear this all the time. Parents want their athletes to feel more confident. Coaches want them to play with confidence. And athletes want to be confident.
But here's the thing. Confidence isn't just something athletes have or don't have. It's something we can help them develop through specific actions, mental skills and practice.
And I think we need to get much more specific about what that actually looks like.
What does confidence look like in young athletes?
Confidence can look different from one athlete to another.
For one athlete, it might mean bringing more energy to the start of a game. For another, it might mean resetting after a mistake instead of letting that mistake follow them into the next play. Or maybe it means taking the shot, calling for the ball or committing to something difficult even when they're nervous.
When we make confidence specific, we give athletes something they can actually practice.
Instead of asking an athlete to magically feel different, we can help them identify what they want to do differently.
That's a much more useful place to start.
Why does my athlete play well in practice but struggle in games?
I hear this so, so often from athletes:
"I play well in practice, but I can't perform in games."
And it can be incredibly frustrating. They know they have the skills. They've put in the work. They've demonstrated what they're capable of in practice.
So why does everything seem to change when competition starts?
One possible explanation is where their attention goes.
In practice, athletes may be focused on the skill, their teammates or the next play. But when the stakes feel higher, their attention can shift towards the outcome, what other people think, their nerves or everything that might go wrong.
Suddenly, they're thinking about not making a mistake rather than what they actually want to do.
This is where having a clear intention becomes particularly useful.
Instead of focusing on whether they feel confident, an athlete can focus on something within their control. Maybe it's committing to the first tackle. Maybe it's resetting after a mistake. Maybe it's bringing positive energy to their teammates.
It gives their attention somewhere useful to go.
Can athletes feel nervous and confident at the same time?
Absolutely. And this is something I really want young athletes to understand.
You do not have to get rid of your nerves to compete with confidence.
You can have butterflies in your stomach, a racing heart and a whole lot of anticipation, and still trust your preparation and commit to your next action.
Confidence isn't necessarily the absence of nerves. It can also be the willingness to act, even when things feel uncomfortable.
When athletes understand this, they can stop waiting for the perfect feeling before they participate fully.
They can learn to move forward with the nerves instead of fighting them.
A simple confidence exercise for young athletes
Here's something parents and coaches can try this week.
Ask your athlete:
"When you feel confident in your sport, what are you actually doing?"
See what they come up with.
And if you get the classic teenage shrug or a very helpful "I don't know," offer a couple of ideas. Let's be fair, sometimes even adults struggle to explain what confidence looks like!
Maybe confidence looks like communicating with teammates, recovering after a mistake, taking a risk or committing to a skill they've been practising.
Have your athlete choose one specific intention for their next practice or competition.
Not five. Just one.
Then afterwards, ask:
"Did you do what you set out to do?"
Notice that we're not asking whether they won, scored or played their best game.
We're asking whether they followed through on something they could control.
Over time, those little moments help athletes build evidence that they can handle themselves when things get difficult.
And that evidence matters.
How parents and coaches can help athletes build confidence
One of the most useful things we can do is shift our language.
Instead of saying, "You need to be more confident out there," try asking, "What would playing with confidence look like for you today?"
Instead of saying, "Don't worry about making mistakes," try asking, "If you make a mistake, what's your plan for the next play?"
Instead of asking only, "Did you play well?" try asking, "Did you follow through on the intention you set?"
These small changes give athletes direction without adding more pressure.
They also help athletes recognize that confidence isn't entirely dependent on the scoreboard, the coach's opinion or whether everything went perfectly.
It's something they can continue to develop through practice.
Confidence is a skill we can work on
Of course, building confidence isn't always as simple as choosing one action. Some athletes are navigating perfectionism, fear of failure, comparison or deeply held beliefs about what it means to succeed.
And those challenges deserve attention too.
But making confidence specific is a really useful starting point.
Because instead of asking athletes to magically feel different, we're helping them develop skills they can use.
They don't have to wait until they feel confident to start acting with confidence.
And I think that's a pretty powerful lesson, both in sport and beyond.
When your athlete needs more support
I'm Margaret Butler, founder of LEAP Mental Performance, a former Canadian national team runner and a Certified Mental Performance Coach.
I work with young athletes, from approximately age 12 through university, helping them build confidence, manage pressure, recover from mistakes and develop practical mental skills they can use in competition.
Through my one-to-one LEAP Mindset Mastery program, athletes learn how to understand their thoughts, manage nerves and develop routines that help them perform more consistently under pressure.
If your athlete has the skills but struggles to access them when it matters, I'd love to help you explore what support could look like.
Explore one-to-one mental performance coaching with LEAP
Margaret Butler | Founder, LEAP Mental Performance | West Vancouver, BC | Online mental performance coaching across Canada and the USA
