How to Help Your Young Athlete Handle Pressure (Without Adding More)
If you've ever watched your child compete and thought, I wish I knew how to help them right now, you're in very good company.
Maybe they're nervous before a big competition. Maybe they've made a mistake and can't seem to move past it. Or maybe they're putting so much pressure on themselves to perform that the sport they love has started to feel a little less enjoyable.
As parents, we see these things happening. We know what our kids are capable of, and when they're struggling, our instinct is to jump in and help.
We offer encouragement. We tell them they've got this. We remind them to have fun, stop worrying, or just relax.
All very well-intentioned. And sometimes, none of it seems to land.
I've spent years working with young athletes on confidence, nerves and performing under pressure. I'm also a parent of athletes, which means I've had plenty of opportunities to discover that knowing what to do professionally doesn't guarantee I'll get it right at home!
One of the biggest things I've learned is that supporting an athlete under pressure isn't about having the perfect pep talk. It's about understanding what's happening for them and knowing when to help, when to step back and when to let them figure a few things out for themselves.
Why does my child struggle with pressure in sport?
Here's something I talk about with athletes all the time: their brain is trying to protect them.
When competition feels important, their brain can start paying a lot more attention to what might go wrong.
What if I make a mistake? What if I disappoint my coach? What if everyone else is better than me? What if I don't perform the way I know I can?
I call this the Fear Brain. It's a simple way to help athletes understand why their thoughts, emotions and actions can change when pressure shows up.
And pressure looks different for everyone.
One athlete might become hesitant and stop taking risks. Another might start rushing, trying too hard or getting frustrated with every mistake. Someone else might look perfectly calm on the outside while their brain is going in approximately 47 different directions.
As a parent, you might see an athlete who suddenly isn't playing or competing like themselves.
But here's the important part: feeling nervous or struggling under pressure doesn't mean an athlete isn't confident, capable or mentally tough.
It means they're having a very human response to something that matters to them.
The goal isn't to make those feelings disappear. It's to help athletes understand what's happening and learn what they can do next.
Before competition: Do they need another pep talk?
I love a good pep talk. There's a time and a place for encouragement, and sometimes a few well-chosen words are exactly what an athlete needs.
But sometimes our reassurance accidentally gives an athlete one more thing to think about.
We've all done it.
You've worked so hard for this. You've got this. Just relax. Don't worry about the other competitors. Remember what your coach said.
Meanwhile, our athlete might already be trying to manage nerves, remember their preparation and get their brain into a place where they can compete.
That's quite a lot going on up there.
Instead of assuming what they need, I encourage parents to get curious.
You might ask, "What would be most helpful from me before you compete?"
And here's where it gets interesting. One athlete might love a little encouragement. Another might want to listen to music and be left alone. Someone else might want to talk about absolutely anything except their sport.
The trick is learning what works for your athlete rather than assuming there's one perfect way to prepare.
During competition: It's hard to watch them struggle
This is where I think parenting athletes can get particularly difficult.
You're watching from the sidelines, stands or finish line, and you can see your child beginning to struggle.
They're overthinking. They're getting frustrated. They're not showing what they're capable of.
And you desperately want to help.
I understand that feeling both as a parent and as a former national-level athlete. I know how much sport can matter to young people and how difficult it can be when things aren't going the way they hoped.
But here's a distinction I think is really important.
We want to support athletes through difficult moments, not become responsible for rescuing them from every difficult moment.
In my mental performance work, I teach athletes practical tools they can use when nerves rise, mistakes happen or their attention starts moving in unhelpful directions.
We work on things like resetting after a mistake, recognizing unhelpful thoughts, using visualization and finding routines that help them compete with nerves.
And we practice. A lot.
Because knowing that you should "shake it off" after a mistake and actually knowing how to do that are two very different things.
As parents, we can support this learning by making room for our athletes to try their tools, make mistakes, recover and discover what works for them.
That's not always easy to watch. But it's important work.
After competition: When should you talk, and when should you give them space?
I was talking with a parent recently who was trying so hard to get this right.
After a tough competition, they'd made a real effort not to analyse the performance or jump in with advice. They were trying to stay quiet, be present and let their athlete have some space.
Sometimes it worked beautifully. Other times, their athlete seemed even more frustrated.
The parent felt like nothing they did was quite right.
Oh, I know this feeling.
I once said exactly the wrong thing during one of my daughter's games. I thought I was being helpful. She had a slightly different interpretation.
Let's just say the entire family enjoyed a very uncomfortable car ride home. Plenty of time for me to reflect on how I'd managed to get it so wrong, as a mental performance coach, no less!
We eventually stopped to get some food, gave things a little time and the snow globe started to settle.
And that's what I want parents to understand.
You don't need the perfect words. But silence isn't automatically the right answer either.
Sometimes a simple question like "How did that feel?" opens the door.
Maybe your athlete wants to talk. Maybe they need to vent. Maybe you're going to get that oh so familiar "fine," which, as every parent knows, can mean approximately 47 different things.
Pay attention to what they're telling you, including when they're telling you they're not ready to talk.
The goal isn't to fix how they're feeling or make them reflect on our schedule. It's to give them an opportunity to lead.
And if you need a little more help with those tricky moments, I've written more about what to say after a tough performance and how to navigate the ride home.
What actually helps athletes become more confident under pressure?
Here's where I want to bring the conversation back to the athlete.
We can become so focused on finding the right thing to say as parents that we forget something important: athletes can learn how to manage pressure themselves.
I like to think of athletes as little scientists.
We try things. We get curious about what happens. We gather evidence, make adjustments and try again.
Maybe an athlete learns that taking a deep breath and using a cue word helps them reset after a mistake. Maybe they discover that visualization helps them prepare for difficult moments in competition. Or maybe they begin to recognize the thoughts that tend to pull their attention away from what they actually need to do.
There's no magical tool that works for every athlete.
The interesting work is helping each athlete discover what works for them and then giving them opportunities to practise those skills until they become useful in competition.
We wouldn't teach an athlete a technical skill once and expect them to perform it perfectly when everything is on the line.
Mental skills deserve that same training time.
And I think there's something pretty wonderful about watching an athlete begin to recognize, I know what's happening here. I've felt this before. And I have something I can try.
That's the kind of confidence we want to help them develop. Not confidence that's dependent on everything going well, but confidence that grows from knowing they can handle challenging moments.
Supporting your athlete doesn't mean having all the answers
If there's one thing I'd love parents to take away from this, it's that you don't need to get every conversation right.
You won't always know whether to step in or step back. Neither will I, apparently, despite making a career out of teaching this stuff!
But you can keep getting curious about your athlete, learning what helps them, and giving them room to develop their own skills.
Because ultimately, we're not trying to raise athletes who never feel nervous, get frustrated or have a tough day.
We're helping them learn that they can move through those moments and keep going.
And that's something that matters well beyond sport.
Join me for Beyond The Pep Talk
On Saturday, November 14, 2026, at 5 p.m. Pacific, I'm hosting a free online parent training called Beyond The Pep Talk: Helping Parents Know When to Step In and When to Step Back.
We'll look at what happens in an athlete's brain when pressure hits, what parents can do before, during and after competition, and how to support athletes without feeling responsible for fixing every difficult moment.
I'll also teach a practical mental-performance tool athletes can use when they get stuck after a mistake.
If you've ever wondered whether you're saying too much, not enough or just completely the wrong thing, I'd love to have you join us.
Register for the free parent training here.
Everyone who registers receives the replay, even if they can't join us live.
Margaret Butler is the founder of LEAP Mental Performance, a certified Mental Performance Coach and former Canadian national-level track and cross-country athlete. She works with young athletes, parents and teams to develop practical mental skills for confidence, focus and performing under pressure.
