Why Your Athlete’s Identity Shouldn’t Be Just About Sport
Recently, I had the chance to hear Clara Hughes speak at a conference. If you’re not familiar with her story, Clara is the only Olympian to win multiple medals in both the Summer and Winter Olympic Games—an incredible feat! She’s also very funny. But what stood out to me that day wasn’t just her success. It was how openly and vulnerably she spoke about the importance of mental health, identity, and having real conversations about the challenges athletes face—not just physically, but emotionally. She talked about her own struggles in figuring out who she was beyond her sport, how to share her story in an honest way, and how vital it is to create space for these conversations.
Hearing her speak brought me right back to my own experience. As an athlete, I tied so much of my identity and value to how well I performed. When I played well, I felt worthy. When I didn’t, I felt like I had failed—not just at sport, but as a person. I carried that identity with me long after my athletic career ended. I poured the same pressure and perfectionism into my nonprofit work, constantly trying to earn my value through doing and achieving. It took me years—and a lot of self-reflection—to learn how to value myself just as Margaret. Not the athlete. Not the coach. Not the nonprofit leader. Just me.
That’s why I care so deeply about this work now.
It’s so natural for kids to pour themselves into their sport. They care deeply, they work hard, and they begin to feel like their sport is who they are. But when their identity becomes too wrapped up in performance, any setback—a bad practice, an injury, not making a team—can shake them to their core. That’s a lot of emotional weight for a young person to carry.
As parents, one of the most powerful things we can do is model a healthier, more balanced perspective. If our lives revolve entirely around our athlete’s sport, if we ride their highs and lows as if they’re our own, we unintentionally reinforce the idea that their worth is dependent on performance. But when we show that we have our own identities and passions—when we occasionally miss a game for something meaningful in our own life—it sends an important message: you are loved, supported, and valued… and sport is just one part of your story.
It’s just as important to help your athlete explore who they are outside of sport. Whether that’s diving into art, exploring nature, being curious about the world, or finding new hobbies, these experiences create depth and resilience. They don’t distract from sport—they enrich it.
Here’s a simple activity you can do together:
Sit down with your athlete and brainstorm all the different parts of who they are. You can prompt them with basics like friend, sibling, student, daughter, or even dog-lover or creative thinker. Let them take the lead and see what words come up. Ask why each one matters to them. This doesn’t have to be a long conversation—it’s just a chance to open the door to a deeper understanding of self.
At first, the list might be short, and that’s okay. You can help them notice strengths or roles they may not see on their own. And over time, as they grow in awareness, that list will grow too.
In my work with athletes, we do this same reflection. Because when they start to see that they’re more than just their performance, they build a stronger foundation—one that holds up even on the hard days.
If this message resonates with you and you’re wondering how to support your athlete in building confidence, resilience, and a stronger sense of self, I’d love to help. You can book a free 30-minute session with me here to see if mental performance coaching might be a great fit for your athlete.
Let’s help them grow not just as athletes—but as whole, thriving people.
